If you’ve been reading this blog for some time now you probably have picked up on the fact that I am a Christian. That I love Jesus with my whole heart and want every part of my life to reflect that. But it didn’t always used to be that way.
Growing up, being a Christian was just a line on the list of things about me. It was something I did on Sundays. A hobby, just like running or playing the piano. It was on the list of things I thought I needed to be well-rounded and interesting. I tried to fit it in my life wherever I could but if I didn’t have time to read my bible AND go for a run, I’d choose the latter. I dated guys who I knew weren’t right for me but I did it anyways because I thought I could be the girl who could do it all.
I was so wrong.
I thought I had it all together, my life, school, future career. I thought I was a relatively good person but I wasn’t.
When thing’s didn’t go the way I had planned, when I was hurt and disappointed by friendships and relationships, I began to realize how wrong about life I really was.
I learned that I really didn’t have anything figured out. That I’m a horrible sinner just like everyone else and that I need God’s grace every. single. day. I learned that God doesn’t love Me-The-Sinner just as I am, he loves Me-Because-Of-The-Jesus-Inside-Of-Me. It’s only by His power that I am saved and redeemed and nothing by my own doing.
As I began to realize this my life started to change. Now, being a Christian is not just part of my life but my whole life. It influences every decision I make throughout the day, who I chose to date (HI CODY), what I wear, my career path and friend choices. It is the core of my being. It effects how I react to certain situations, how I love others and how I feel about myself.
No longer do I let my insecurities, doubts, or selfish desires rule my thinking. But I am reminded daily of my sinful nature and tendencies. That I cannot do this life on my own. That I am called and chosen by him. That I have seen him at work in my life, even in times I didn’t think he was there. I’ve seen a change in my heart, my desires, my goals, all shifting towards Him. In spite of my past relationships with guys who weren’t right for me, I’ve seen God bless my relationship with Cody in more ways than I could’ve ever known. I’ve been challenged, encouraged, broken down and built up more in the last few years than ever before BUT I know that it is all shaping me to be a better and more confident follower of Christ.
I am reading through a book called Wild and Free by Jess Connolly & Hayley Morgan (I highly recommend it, read it, do it) and they put my exact feelings into words. “Your freedom was won on the cross and secured by your father in your Christian life. It is not something you have to try to do; it is something that is simply true of you. You are seen, you are chosen, and you are free.”
Also, Tim Keller put it this way in his book The Meaning of Marriage (We’re not married but hey why not prepare ourselves) when he says that, “To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God.” I think this can be said for any relationship we have whether it be a marriage, dating, friend or family relationship and especially in our relationship with God.
I can now go about my days confident that I am fully known and fully loved by God. I have the freedom now to be exactly who God made me to be and I am so excited for a life abundantly and radically, a life All In for Him.
“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.” Psalm 139:1
I hope that this brings some type of encouragement to anyone reading this. I hope you can know how known and loved you are by the God who designed the whole universe, how cool is that?!